As the bride and groom you have decided to forget registering for wedding gifts. All you want or need is money and/or specific gift cards. With this decided, your next issue is where do you put this information on your invitation…
Before I go any further, I need to throw in a few ideas sprinkled with some personal opinions on this subject. You are inviting family and special friends to share in your wonderful day. Their presence should be MORE important than their gift. Now you may be thinking that this is all well and good but not very practical. Unfortunately, there is no polite way to ask for monetary gifts!
Having been in the wedding and etiquette business for years, this question is quite common. I have done extensive research trying to find some etiquette source that says it is OK to ask for money. I have been unsuccessful. Besides, this violates my “RST” (respect, sincerity & thoughtfulness) criteria for dealing with what could be a touchy situation. Graciousness and discretion are the words used to describe the proper handling of this issue.
The best way to discreetly ask for monetary gifts is by word of mouth!
Close friends and family is the best vehicle for this communication. If you do not register anywhere, people will most likely ask your family or close friends what you want as a gift. Instead of responding . . . MONEY. . . it sounds better to say that the bride and groom are saving for a down payment on a house, furniture for their apartment, an exotic honeymoon, etc. If you are asked directly, it is really inappropriate to say cash. You can say that you are saving for a very significant item. This should be a clue about your gift wishes. Hopefully, your friends and family will “get the word out” for you.
One more point of etiquette and just plain good taste is . . . .
No mention of gifts, money, gift cards or gift registry should be included with any part of the wedding invitation!
Again, you are inviting people to share in your wedding day not buy you a gift. The gift is a token of the guests’ affection for you as a couple. In no situation should a gift be considered a given!
There is only one acceptable gift reference that may appear on an invitation. . . No Gifts Please! You may put this information on the lower right hand corner of your reception card or you can enclose a separate card saying something like this:
Your presence is our present
Your presence will be our treasured gift
It is always refreshing to receive and invitation where no gifts are wanted or a charitable donation is requested in lieu of gifts. These types of requests are much more common with the encore wedding than first time marriages.
The bottom line is . . . It IS OK to want money/gift cards instead of toasters, blenders, sterling and fine china. However, It Is NOT OK to ask for it (or any other form of gift) on your wedding invitation or on any enclosure in the wedding invitation envelope. Word of mouth can really be effective. Who knows you may be very pleasantly surprised and get just what you want!!! Some of the wedding gifts that I received and thought, “I will never use this in a million years” have turned out to be my favorites.
More later. . .
Ms. Carey
