Pre-Wedding Panic – The Jitters, Arguments and Honest Moments of Panic Every Couple Has

It kicks in at a different time for everyone.  Some brides and grooms may experience it three months before the wedding.  Some couples may not have a care in the world until a week before the big day.  Inevitably every couple will experience some form of pre-wedding panic.  It may be just an anxious bride, or a nervous groom but it will happen.  Here are some of the top causes of pre-wedding panic, some ways to deal and some situations where you may actually want to step back and evaluate if this is a good idea.

R.S.V.P. (or Lack Thereof) Panic

You followed every rule of etiquette and courtesy when sending your invitations.  You included R.S.V.P. cards that left no wiggle room.  They were pre-addressed and had postage paid.  You indicated how many seats you had reserved for each invitation.  Now all you have to do is sit back and wait as they come pouring in right? Well, not quite.  It is normal to be waiting for more than half of your R.S.V.P. cards to return by your deadline.  Inevitably someone will pencil in an extra guest that wasn’t invited.  You will have to make phone calls and three weeks before your wedding some guests will still not be sure if they can commit.  The first thing to do is breathe!  If there are a lot of R.S.V.P. s you haven’t received, consider dividing up the list of phone calls.  Have the bride call her family and the groom call his.  If your future mother-in-law added 40 people to the guest list and 20 haven’t responded have her call those.  Don’t worry about not getting the actual R.S.V.P. card just do what it takes to find out how many people are coming.  The people who aren’t sure, you will just have to bite the bullet and assume they are coming if you really can’t get an answer. Those pesky extra plus ones are tricky.  If you were very clear and fair about your rules for plus ones stick to your original plan and politely tell the person you just don’t have the room or money for extra guests, or that you think it is important to know all the people at your wedding.  Give an honest explanation and stick with your decision.  If it is a situation that will really cause trouble or cause other guests that are important to your future spouse, you may have to bite the bullet and add an extra seat. Every couple deals with R.S.V.P. panic, it is all about how you handle it.

Last Minute Vendor Issues

Wedding vendors are just people.  They get sick, cars become inoperable and life in general happens.  This can be an issue more so if you hired small companies or people who work for themselves.  Many professionals have a backup plan in place to protect their reputations but not everyone will.  What about a last minute disagreement with a vendor?  If a vendor has to cancel altogether getting your money back may not be a big comfort when your wedding day is right around the corner. If your vendor doesn’t have someone they work with who can fill-in the best thing to do is start calling small companies to see if someone has an opening.  You can also call very large companies that tend to have more employees and the ability to do rush orders and fill an opening quickly.  In those cases you may pay for the convenience. Sometimes things happen the day before your wedding or the same day as your wedding. If this happens, take a minute to vent and curse the day you decided not to hire a wedding planner.  Now breathe and make due.  If your florist canceled, send someone to the local florist for a basic hand-tied bouquet and a few quick arrangements.  If your band can’t make it, find someone with a really good mp3 player, download your special songs and plug it in to the venue’s sound system.  Breathe and enjoy your day no matter what happens and you will have one heck of a wedding story to tell to your children.

“Oh my gosh, I am getting married” Panic

Sometimes as the wedding draws closer you start to notice that your future husband doesn’t pick up his socks or your future wife can’t make your favorite dish.  Maybe you start to wonder if you can really settle down with one person for the rest of your life and if you are ready to start having a family to consult before you plan a vacation or a road trip.  This is another very normal pre-wedding panic subject. It is important to take breaks from wedding planning. Set aside a date night or just a relaxing night once a week where discussing the wedding is off limits.  Take time to remember why you are getting married in the first place.  That said, sometimes major red flags do occur as a relationship progresses, so if the differences on big things like finances, views on children and other major life issues come to light you may want to seek some advice or do some serious thinking.  Everyone has these thoughts at one point be it before the wedding or after, whether they admit it or not.  The key is to always take time to get back to the basics of your relationship and not let the stress of planning a wedding interfere with the reason for the wedding.

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