Bridezillas have been around since people have been getting married. We all know what they are like. They must be in control of every aspect of the wedding and they don’t consider the feelings of those around them, particularly the bridesmaids. Wikipedia defines a bridezilla as “a generic term used to describe a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves aggravated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake. A bridezilla is obsessed with her wedding as her perfect day and will disregard the feelings of her family, bridesmaids and even her groom in her quest for the perfect wedding.” We all have a vision for our wedding day but no one wants to be a bridezilla. Here are some dos and don’ts to help you make sure you aren’t slipping into bridezilla territory.
DO make your wishes known, but then trust in your bridesmaids, family and friends. If you have approved the dresses and lengths there is no need to insist you attend every bridesmaids every fitting to be sure that they respect your wishes. If your mother-in-law is making your centerpieces and you agreed on the design there is no need to constantly ask to see the ones she has made. We all want our wedding day to be perfect but we chose our attendants and people to help us for a reason. There comes a time where you just have to trust in your friends and family or you may as well be doing everything yourself.
DON’T be ungrateful. Your friends, family and attendants love you and want to help and it is your wedding day. They are helping because they want to help you not because they have to help you. Make sure to say thank you for all they do and show your gratitude. If your maid of honor is meeting with vendors for you and the vendor can’t do what you would prefer, don’t shoot the messenger. Chances are she tried to negotiate what you wanted and the vendor really couldn’t meet your terms. Be grateful for all the help and support you receive and let the people around you see your gratitude.
DON’T micromanage the professionals. If you hired a wedding planner let him or her do the planning. He or she will keep you updated and ask you to make final decisions. There is no need for them to inform you of every photographer they interviewed before presenting you with the best two or three options to suit your needs and budget. Trust your florist to give you the look you discussed.
DON’T ruin friendships for one day. If your friends are ignoring your phone calls and not returning them, chances are you are a bridezilla and you are doing damage that will cost your friendships.
DON’T live and breathe all things wedding. You were friends with your bridesmaids and other guests long before you started planning a wedding. Planning for your wedding day may be the most important thing in your life right now but it probably isn’t the most important thing in the lives of your wedding party and wedding guests. Take time to discuss things and do things that you did before you were planning your wedding. Do a ladies night with the girls or go to the movies with your cousins. Set aside days where talking about the wedding is off limits before you have everyone steering clear of conversations with you.
DON’T be argumentative. If you notice you are arguing more than usual and can justify all of the arguments simply by saying it’s my day then you need to step back and reevaluate what is really important to you.
DON’T be impossible to satisfy. All of your vendors and attendants want you to enjoy your wedding day and give you what you want. None of them possess magic powers. Accept that everyone is doing the best they can and be grateful and realize that not every rose in your bouquet can have exactly 30 petals and be exactly 3 ½” wide.
DON’T put your parents in the poorhouse. If your parents are footing most of the bill for the wedding, there is no need to have crystal candelabras at every table and a $100 per plate dinner. Unless money is no object for the person paying for your wedding keep their finances in mind just as you would your own when making choices. If you really want certain things but don’t think they are in an acceptable price range, consider paying for them yourself.
DON’T assume it is everyone else. If you got along with all your family and friends before you started planning your wedding and now you view them as insensitive and argumentative, chances are it is you not them. You have probably wandered into bridezilla territory.
DON’T insult people for the sake of perfect pictures. Your pictures will be one of the most lasting ways you will remember your wedding. Of course you want your wedding photographs to be perfect. You want to consider what will look best when choosing the attire for your wedding party. Don’t start insulting people though. Demanding one of your bridesmaids to lose a few pounds or that they get a new haircut or go for a waxing for their upper lip is crossing the line. You chose these women for who they are on the inside not how they will look in a picture.
DON’T neglect price ranges on your registry. Unless all your guests are millionaires no one but the closest of family and friends probably wants to spend more than $100 on your wedding gift. Be sure to include all price ranges and add items if all the gifts in that price range have been purchased.
DO ask for input. Ask your friends how they feel about your color choices. Invite your future mother-in-law to the cake tasting. The final decisions are yours but a different perspective can often be helpful.
DON’T ask people to do things you won’t. If a task seems insurmountable it is perfectly okay to ask your bridesmaids for help as long as you are helping. You cannot go have a martini while your bridesmaids hand glue sequins onto your candle holders. Instead make a pitcher of margaritas and turn it into a project party.
DON’T sweat the small stuff. No one else will remember if your printer forgot to include the insert tissues in your wedding invitations and no one else will realize that the ribbons in your bridesmaids’ bouquets are clover instead of kelly green. Little mistakes and misunderstandings will not ruin your wedding day. A successful wedding day is one where you are married at the end of the day and have maintained all of your relationships with family and friends.
DO allow people to tell you when you are slipping into bridezilla territory. Make sure your closest friends feel comfortable telling you when you are being unreasonable. Put your maid of honor on bridezilla duty and allow your bridal party to vent when they need to without fear of reprisal from you.
DON’T overreact. A broken nail or a run in your nylons will not ruin your wedding day. Napkins folded to look like swans instead of doves will also not ruin your wedding day. Learn to take a deep breath and not erupt over little things.
If you have been a bridezilla thus far the best thing to do is acknowledge this fact to those who have gotten in your path. Apologize and vow to steer clear of bridezilla territory to the best of your ability. Then take your girls on a lunch date where discussing the wedding is off limits. Bridezilla syndrome is not a terminal disease and can be cured. You just have to be able to self diagnose and be willing to make a change.