You Might be a Bridezilla . . .

  • If your maid-of-honor changes her telephone number and does not give you the new one.
  • If you decide to gain weight just so your parents will buy you a different wedding gown.
  • If getting caught by a red light on your way to the nail salon cause your blood pressure to rise.
  • If no one answers your email or text messages.
  • If your groom avoids talking about the wedding at all.
  • If your groom does talk about the wedding and your eyes begin to roll.
  • If you own parents move and leave no forwarding address.
  • If, during every telephone conversation with one of your wedding professionals, you mention, “my daddy is a lawyer . . .”
  • If you think people should just know what you want.
  • If most of the response cards are returned with “unable to attend” checked.
  • If you wedding party shrinks day by day.
  • If, even with make up on, you scare the flower girl.
  • If you are unable to carry on a conversation about the wedding without swearing.
  • If you can hardly wait to shove wedding cake up your groom’s nose.
  • If you own father offers you $10,000 to elope.
  • If your clergyman or premarital counselor highly recommends a longer engagement.
  • If you hair dresser decides to take a long cruise beginning the day before your wedding, with no notice.
  • If the car service suggests renting two cars – one for you and one for everyone else.
  • If your future in-laws are nothing but a major aggravation to you.
  • If the only way you can get anyone to come to the reception is the promise an open bar all night.
  • If you think you are the center of everyone’s universe.
  • If you want your attendants in ugly dresses so no one shows you up.
  • If you insist all your attendants have the same hair color and style.
  • If you expect everyone to be on time and you are always running late.
  • If your wedding planner suddenly decides to retire 24 hours before your ceremony.
  • If your friends decide to throw nuts instead of rice at you after the ceremony.
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