14 July 2008
While there really is no way to tactfully ask for money in lieu of wedding gifts, if you do not register anywhere, most of your friends and family will take the hint. Since most of your guests will be people you and your fiancée are acquainted with, they will know that either you have everything you need to set up your new home together, or that you are the type of person who enjoys shopping for yourself. Some people may ask a close friend or relative about what things are needed, and then it would be appropriate for the answer to be that the couple has everything under control. Again, most people will take the cue and send a monetary gift. Under NO circumstances should your wedding invitation state anything regarding gifts and/or money! This is considered very tacky and bordering on rude. You might end up with some unwanted gifts, but most department stores will gladly give an in-store credit or even refund the purchase price, even without a gift receipt. When you write thank you notes, express your gratitude for the item you received. You do not need to mention you returned it. There is no need to have hurt feelings. Some couples that have all they need of day-to-day items might decide to register for only formal china, crystal and silverware. No matter what you register for, the gift registry information should never be included on your wedding invitations. This information belongs on the shower invitations, or on your wedding web site if you have one. A good thing to keep in mind when it comes to questions like this is to ask yourself how you would feel if you received an invitation that requested money or only high-priced gifts. No matter what type of wedding gifts you receive, always remember to be gracious in your thanks.  Permalink
8 August 2008
Some of your guests, especially ones that live out of town, may decide to have your wedding gifts shipped directly to the home of the bride's parents. If they do, by all means open them, but try to have your fiancèe present. Be sure to keep a list in a prominent place to record what was sent by whom and their return address. This will be a real help to you when it comes time to write your thank you notes.
The day of your wedding you will receive the majority of your gifts. There should be a simple table to display the lovely packages as well as a large basket for all the greeting cards. You may choose to open your gifts at the reception. This is usually more appropriate at small weddings where the guests are close friends and family. At larger weddings, opening gifts is usually done sometime after the wedding. If you do open your gifts at the wedding, do so shortly after the cake has been cut, but wait until after the reception to open the cards. The choice is really up to the couple and whatever traditions you choose to observe.
Opening the gifts before the reception should be avoided. Usually the time you have between the ceremony and reception are hectic enough with photos being taken and greeting family and friends.
Remember, no matter when you open your wedding gifts be sure to have a trusted friend or relative nearby to correctly record the item received and the name of the giver. Usually the maid-of-honor takes on this responsibility.
Most wedding gifts come with a standard greeting card or a small gift tag, these are ideal to use for recording the item received. The name of the giver is already on the card. Again, this will be a tremendous help to you when the time comes for thank you cards to be written. It is also fun to go back through the cards years later and be reminded that Aunt Mary gave you that lovely vase.
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20 August 2008
Registering for wedding gifts has become very popular with today's bride and groom. A registry is a great convenience for the couple and the guests. It certainly reduces the change of receiving multiple crystal bowls and gives the guest an idea of the couples' taste. So...it is a win-win for all concerned. However, there is some etiquette that goes along with gift registries. First and foremost, you should never mention your registry on your wedding invitations. You also should not put the registry information inside the envelope that includes your wedding invitation. You can easily publicize your wedding registry information on a wedding web site if you have one or by word of mouth. When you register for gifts, be sure to choose a range of gifts that will fit your guests' budgets. If you are being married in a different city than where you live, register in stores in both locations for everyone's convenience. Again lots of your guests will welcome gift guidance; however, others may prefer to choose their own special gift. Some of these gifts will turn out to be thing you never thought of that you will really treasure. While on the subject of gifts...the only proper way to ask for money or gift certificates is by "word of mouth". While it is acceptable to open a gift before the wedding (and write the thank you note), you should never use your wedding gifts or shower gifts until after the wedding. If your wedding is cancelled for any reason, all gifts (wedding and shower) should be returned as soon as possible.
20 November 2008
It is customary for the bride and groom to get the bridal party some sort of bridal party gift to thank them for being a part of the ceremony and helping celebrate the big day. The gifts do not have to be outrageous or expensive; something simple and heartfelt will suffice. For the bridesmaids, you can get them all the same gift or you can get them each something different. No matter what you get them, make sure it is actually something they might like and might use. For example, you could buy them jewelry to wear during the ceremony; it does not have to be diamonds, rhinestones or crystals will work just fine. You could also get them a tote bag or a cosmetic bag. They can use it to carry all their things to church and they will probably use it after the wedding as well. If they like to travel, you could get them a set of luggage tags. You can get personalized or non-personalized gifts. Again, the choice is completely up to you; remember heartfelt is key. For the groomsmen, again you can get them all the same gift or each something different. You can get them something that coordinates with the bridesmaids' gift or something completely different. Again, you want it to be something they might like or actually use. For example, you may choose cuff links, a money clip, mugs, flasks, belt buckles, luggage tags, or even watches. For the flower girl and the ring bearer, you could get them shirts to wear at the rehearsal, toys or even color books. You may choose a travel desk for the car, jewelry (for the flower girl) or even sports equipment. The list of gifts for the bridal party could go on and on. If you have tried to think of something to get the bridal party and just cannot decide, you can always use gift cards. But again, make sure the gift card is to a place they will go.
1 February 2009
Question: We are a middle aged couple in no need of gifts to get started. We would like our guests to bring non-perishable food for our local food pantry instead. How can we get the word out? Would an enclosure in the invites be tacky? Kathy The Everyday Etiquette Answer: Kathy, What a wonderful idea! Traditional wedding etiquette suggests that references to gifts, no gifts, etc. should not appear on or with an invitation. I always recommend that you let family, close friends, the wedding party, etc. know of your wishes and "get the word out" in that way. If you feel this chain of communication would not work, then a tasteful enclosure stating that: Your presence is our gift. On such an enclosure, you can mention that a donation of food to the local food pantry would be a wonderful blessing for the needy. While this would not receive the official "stamp of approval" etiquette-wise, it would register very high on the generosity and selflessness meter. I send all my best wishes for a wonderful life together. Ms. Carey Ask your own Everyday Etiquette questions
15 June 2009
As with most aspects of a wedding there is "etiquette" for receiving gifts, and these rules are as basic as the manners we all learn as small children. It is not polite to ask for a gift and when you do receive a gift, be sure to say "thank you". Unfortunately, it seems that these basic principles have been long forgotten when it comes to planning a wedding. Today many couples are asking, "How can I ask for money in lieu of gifts" or "How do I let my guests know where I am registered." First and foremost, it is NEVER appropriate to ask for money as a gift. Couples should not plan on getting money or certain gifts, but one helpful way that couples can assist their guests in purchasing gifts is by using a bridal registry. A bridal registry is a way of communicating what the couple would like to receive. News of where a couple is registered should be passed along by word of mouth from close friends and family members and never, ever included with the wedding invitation. If you are sending out Save the Date cards, it is acceptable to mention where the bride and groom are registered. You should send out thank you notes as you start receiving gifts. The thank you notes should be hand written and should mention the specific gift you received. If you receive cash or a gift certificate, yon should NEVER thank the person for the $25 they sent you, but instead mention how yon plan to use the money or certificate.
9 October 2009
Buying a gift for the bride and groom can be a taunting task. Here are few FAQs you may want to take into consideration. When should you buy a gift?
It is considered proper to send a wedding gift shortly after receiving a wedding announcement or invitation. Contrary to the belief that you have up to a year to send a wedding gift, it should really be sent within three months of the wedding. If you are going to the wedding, instead of sending a gift, you can take the gift with you to the reception. Do I have to buy from their gift registry?
No. A registry is for your convenience and you are not limited to what is on their list. The registry is just a list of things the couple needs or wants, but you can get them whatever you want to. The couple may prefer you get a gift off of the registry, but ultimately the decision is yours. How much should I spend on a gift?
It is entirely up to you. Let your affection for the bride and groom and your budget be your guide. You don't want to break the bank on a gift for a work associate you barely talk to and you don't want to buy some cheap little trinket for some one you've been friends with your entire life. Can I just give them money?
In some cultures, money is THE traditional wedding gift. But others may feel that giving the gift of cash is ill-mannered. If you are one of the people who doesn't like giving cash, you might consider buying the bride and groom a gift certificate or gift card from their favorite store or a universal gift card that they can use anywhere. Should I send a gift or bring it to the wedding?
If possible, send the gift to the bride before the wedding or to the couple soon after the wedding.It is almost a wedding custom now to bring the gift to the reception and place it on a special table. However, keep in mind that bringing a gift to the reception will only add to the duties of the person in charge of getting valuables from the reception (like the cake serving set, the cake topper, any rented items, etc.). What do I do if I haven’t received a thank you note?
You may want to ask the bride and groom if they received your gift. If you find this too awkward, if you purchased the gift from a registry, check with the store and see if you can get the gift traced.
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