If your wedding party is not very large, consider hosting the rehearsal dinner at home.  The groom's family traditionally hosts this event.  But if it is agreed by all parties, the even could be hosted by a close friend or relative.  The bride should consult with the hostess regarding the food and drinks to be served.  Leave the decorating up to the hostess.  Just be sure the home is large enough to accommodate the entire wedding party and their guests.

If you are having a large wedding and would still like to have a more casual rehearsal dinner, consider one with country flair.  This is especially popular in rural areas.  Rent a party room at your local community center and decorate with bales of hay and dried cornstalks bundled together.  This is a wonderful way to celebrate during the fall months.  Dress the tables with red and white checkered coverings with centerpieces of dried wheat in large canning jars.  Colorful bandanas under each jar will to the mood.

The menu could include pulled pork barbeque, rolls, corn on the cob, coleslaw, potato salad and various homemade pies for dessert.  A keg of beer, iced tea and lemonade would be perfect beverages to have available.

For entertainment you may want to have an old fashioned square dance if you know of a "caller" in the area.  Or perhaps you know of a Blue Grass band who would like to perform.  To save on the entertainment expense, you may want to bring a CD player and keep the music playing all night.

Make sure your guests know at the time they receive their invitation that this is a casual event.  Blue jeans, bib overalls, flannel or plaid shirts, denim skirts and cowboy boots are perfect attire for this style of rehearsal dinner.

Imagine how relaxing it would feel to cruise along the water, watching the sunset. After the rehearsal dinner is over, treat your wedding party to a celebration at sea.  If you live near a lake, river, or better even, an ocean, inquire about boats for hire.  There are boats large enough to accommodate 100 people and others for fewer than 25.

Some party boats offer catered meals and live bands for entertainment, while others may allow you to provide the food, beverages and music.  If the event is catered by the charter company, be sure to inquire about decorations as well as the champagne for all the toasting that will be done.

If you are providing the food, beverages and decorations, make arrangements to board early enough to set up and still have plenty of time to get ready for the rehearsal.  If would be ideal if a close friend, who is not in the wedding party, could take on the responsibility of readying the boat.

Invitations will add to the excitement by passing out rolls of Life Savers wrapped with a simple message of when and where the boat will be.  Purchase a number of the traditional white "Dixie Cup" sailor hats to give to each member of the wedding party before they board.  Be sure to get your groom a captain's hat as well.

Most charter companies will provide you with a certified pilot, while others may allow a member of your party to steer.  If the latter is the case, please have him or her refrain from drinking too much.  Most states have laws about drinking and boating.  Too much partying on the part of the driver could result in arrest and/or fines and is extremely unsafe for the passengers and other boaters.

Relax, enjoy yourself and gaze at the stars.  What a wonderful way to spend the evening before your big day.

Enjoy a lovely spring or summer evening by holding the rehearsal dinner outdoors.  Place candles everywhere you can in your backyard.  Outline the yard or patio area with lawn torches, hang Japanese paper lanterns and white twinkle lights from the trees.  Place wind chimes in various places to catch the night breeze and add even more atmosphere to the space.

If insects are a problem in your area treat the yard with a bug bomb about one hour before your guests arrive.  You may also want to use citronella candles on low lying tables around the perimeter of the yard.  Place these candles in decorative terra cotta flower pots for a more uniform look.

Arrange the yard in to two areas, one for the buffet and the other for the tables where your guests will dine.  For simple centerpieces you may like to use terra cotta flower pots with candles inserted but add a glass hurricane lamp globe to protect the flame from any sudden wind gusts.

Soft background music will add one more dimension of elegance but still keep the conversations relaxed.  Your guests should feel free to mingle and enjoy each others company.

Weather can be unpredictable.  Make arrangements to have a large white canopy available if needed.  Canopies can be rented at most party supply houses or wedding rental shops.

The menu is up to you.  A real crowd please is steak, baked potatoes and salad.  For dessert, a simple fruit salad would be the perfect ending to his outdoor feast.

Remember to have plenty of cold beverages on hand as well as chilled champagne for the many "toasts." 

Question:

I'm confused as to who all gets invited to the rehearsal dinner. I was planning on just having those involved in the wedding and their spouses but now I've been told that I should invite any out of town guests as well. Please help!

D.

The Everyday Etiquette Answer:

The rehearsal dinner guest list can vary. Some rehearsal dinners are like junior weddings. Things can really get out of hand. Traditional etiquette says the guest list should include the wedding party and their spouses / partners and the close family of both the bride and groom. If you have enough room, it is nice to include the officiant (clergy) and his or her spouse. You are not required to invite all the out of town guests. However, this is a nice thing to do.

Traditionally, this is the groom's parents party, so they can call the shots. However, I recommend keeping the bride and her mother in the loop. There is one cardinal rule when planning the party ... it should never be grander than the wedding and should have a totally different feel than the reception the next day.

More important than anything, enjoy the wedding experience. It is unbelievable and just flies by.

Ms. Carey

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